i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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