His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
