You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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