i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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