atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
