R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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