i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
