This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
