i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drake has all the answers
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
