im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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