On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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