I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
