i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
