he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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