I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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