She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
