he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
4 words: hood of his car
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
