you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
