If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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