apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
