CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
