areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
