Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
