How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if only i could text you this smell
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
