I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
