I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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