At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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