Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
