god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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