Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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