he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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