We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
