I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize