Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
