dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
and you fell through a lawn chair
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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