hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
