I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!