drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.