do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM