I faked an abortion last night.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.