I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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