Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.

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  (757): he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so. http://tfl.nu/ifvf
  Replies (42) Good night (7607) Bad night (767)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

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  (509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age. http://tfl.nu/4icz
  Replies (31) Good night (800) Bad night (8657)
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  (760): View more from California

  And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"

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  (760): And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV" http://tfl.nu/slsr
  Replies (12) Good night (811) Bad night (2745)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

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  (941): Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band. http://tfl.nu/r564
  Replies (11) Good night (1129) Bad night (4360)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.

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  (586): If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/9are
  Replies (26) Good night (4466) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get

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  (252): its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get http://tfl.nu/sb3f
  Replies (18) Good night (1360) Bad night (4115)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug

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  (815): shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug http://tfl.nu/1b7i
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (3060)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward

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  (815): my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward http://tfl.nu/w58u
  Replies (7) Good night (2836) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.

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  (+44): The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself. http://tfl.nu/y3oz
  Replies (4) Good night (953) Bad night (2169)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.

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  (704): Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out. http://tfl.nu/zs8i
  Replies (8) Good night (2318) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?

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  (917): mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right? http://tfl.nu/fjzr
  Replies (7) Good night (1342) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it

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  (949): That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it http://tfl.nu/rt9p
  Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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  (918): I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey. http://tfl.nu/6r6d
  Replies (15) Good night (1971) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

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  (734): When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office. http://tfl.nu/5u6k
  Replies (8) Good night (831) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.

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  (978): some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW. http://tfl.nu/nny8
  Replies (2) Good night (839) Bad night (376)

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