the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
