Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You can't special order awesome
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
