tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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