Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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