do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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