My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize