someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
