I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
