If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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