is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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