I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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