Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
