i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
