Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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