i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
