Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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