Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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