Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
