I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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