If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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