My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize