whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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