Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
