i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
