he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
