If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
